Things You Don't Say To A Type-A, Nervous Bride

There's a certain type of bride that likes to have a little control over things.  Not just things pertaining to a wedding, but life in general.  She needs to know when meetings are scheduled, what the plan is for the weekend (okay, really, she needs to know the plan for everything), and when things don't go according to plan, it may throw her off a bit.  These people are the type that hate surprises.  This need for some sort of control may be magnified during the wedding planning process.  Also magnified during the wedding planning process is her anxiety.  You know what I'm talking about - that voice inside someone's head that's a little concerned something might not happen the way someone thinks it will and all hell will break loose.  If you know one of those brides, I would suggest avoiding saying the following things to her:

We don't have the proof for the rehearsal dinner invitations yet (47 days before the wedding).

Oh, yeah, the [wedding] dress is definitely too tight.  Honey, don't step down, I don't want you to rip it (49 days before the wedding, at the second fitting for said wedding dress, when the bride had previously insisted too much was being taken in, it needed to be made looser, and the bride has actually lost five pounds since the first fitting, thankyouverymuch).

I told a few extra people it was okay if they came/brought someone (55 days before the wedding).

There are a few fun projects I've been thinking we can do (again, 50 days before the wedding).

I really don't like the flowers you picked out for the reception.

I'm sure we can get that done the week before the wedding.

For your sanity and hers, avoid the above phrases at all costs.  She cannot be held responsible for her reactions to the above remarks.  You cannot blame her if she doesn't speak to you for a month but instead gives you nothing but death-stares whenever she sees you if you make one of the above comments.  Not that I speak from experience or anything.

You Are Not Invited

Do you have any idea how many wedding invitation designs there are?  There are roughly 1,320,975,082.  Each invitation has several different options, accompaniments, accessories, and matching hoopla to go along with it.  You can change colors, fonts, sizes, envelopes, inserts, packaging, etc.  I made the mistake of beginning to peruse invitations two or three weeks ago and have become completely overwhelmed.  Do I want an inner envelope, belly band, or neither?  RSVP card with an envelope or RSVP postcard?  Solid paper or a pattern?  My head is swimming.  Finally, I thought I was getting somewhere, dismissing invitations I didn't think were just right, too expensive, or the quality appeared cheap.  Time to order some sample invitations.  I found three from one company and ordered them so I could see what we were working with.  Quite pleased when they came in, I showed them to my mother.  Bad.  Idea.

Apparently, my mother does not like contemporary or modern fonts, she likes traditional fonts.  And who knew my mother, lover of all things Amy Butler, would think a little damask print on the side with a stripe of color would be too busy?  Certainly, not I.  I thought she would delight in such a pretty find.  Wrong.  So very wrong.

So I began the search anew.  Ryan doesn't like anything that's too feminine, floral, or paisley (I know, I couldn't believe it either).  Desperately seeking something that would satisfy everyone, I sent my mom options.  Loads and loads of options.  Oddly enough, the ones she told me she liked were all ecru, cream, or white, with a traditional font, and a small little doodle at the very top (such doodles included roses, flowers, and swirls).  Puzzled, I went over to my parents' house last night to look at invitations only to find my favorites were her least favorites.

And then, we got to the heart of the issue.  The invitations I love just don't look like wedding invitations to her.  We're doing things the old-fashioned way, with my parents hosting the reception, and my mom really can't stand all those invitations where the children, together with their parents, are inviting everyone to the wedding.  Not to worry, I assured her, we're going to use the traditional wording, complete with the phrase "honour of your presence" since we're having a church wedding, and we'll even use the British English spelling.  Oh, and invitations aren't really supposed to be colorful.  I mean, a little color (like the swirl at the top) would be fine, but all this color all over the place, well, Miss Manners simply wouldn't approve.  My mother was born in Kentucky, raised in the South, and has excellent manners, but I can count on one hand the number of times she has tried to convince me of anything by trying to convince me it is what Miss Manners would say is appropriate.  However, she has grown up with the simple, formal invitation, and that is what she was expecting me to do.

In my mother's defense, she has moved away from the super formal invitation a little and never once did she utter the word "letterpress" or mention hiring a calligrapher.  She knows me too well to think I would dare do anything other than, at a minimum, write each and every address in my very best handwriting.  And just so you know, I bought myself a kit to learn calligraphy in my free time.

All those of you who love all things wedding, I'm looking for suggestions on our invitations.  We may have found a compromise with a different damask print than the one I originally ordered, but I'm not convinced it's going to work.  Unless we come up with something, I regret to inform you that you are not invited to our wedding but only because we won't have invitations to send.

Photographers

Let me tell you how I'm spending my Saturday afternoon.  I'm chained to my computer looking at wedding photographers, filling in my Excel spreadsheet with their information, and trying to find someone that 1) I like, 2) is reasonably priced, and 3) is available the date of our wedding.  It is no small project and not the most exciting thing, although I do LOVE looking at all the pictures. 

Just figuring out whose photos I like can be a challenge because really, I like almost all of them.  There hasn't been a single photographer where I look at the website and just think the pictures are awful.  Maybe I  haven't seen enough to know what my style is or to even really understand the style of each photographer but my head is spinning.  It's funny how things were initially going so fast and I was making decisions left and right and now each decision is taking ages and I often just can't decide for fear of making the wrong decision.  I probably should have gotten everything done the first three weeks after we got engaged - I would have thrown flew those decisions!

Alas, I was distracted by all the other things going on in my life and then spent three weeks in Europe and now I'm spending a beautiful Saturday afternoon sitting at a computer, just like I sit in front of a computer all day Monday through Friday.  Maybe the real problem here is that I actually have a job and have not been able to dedicate myself to planning the wedding full time.  So, what I'm saying is if I could quit my job and wedding plan full time, I totally would.

Ah Yes, The Wedding

Venue - check.  Wedding dress - check.  Menu - narrowed down but we need to do the tasting.  Yes, less than a month after getting engaged we had a venue, date, my dress, and most of the guest list complete.  And then we hit a speed bump.  First, it was figuring out the exact number and cutting the guest list.  Then it was bridesmaids' dresses (not that the wedding party is finalized or anything), and then it all came to a screeching halt.  The entire time I was in Europe I put it out of my head almost completely.  Now I'm back to reality and need to get focused again.  Classes start back in a little over a month and I need to get some additional portions of that to do list checked off before I'm too busy studying, driving, and sitting in class while working full-time and taking care of the puppy to even think about wedding things.  So this week, my mission is to get back on track, finalize all the things I've been putting off because I just don't want to think about them, and put together a plan of action for the next 8 months.  Oh dear goodness, I'm getting married in 249 days!!!  Yes, it's definitely time to get myself in gear and get a move on.

Lists

I have a list for just about everything, even a to do list that includes things like "complete wedding to do list."  Yes, making to do lists is on my to do list.  Neurotic?  Perhaps, but if I don't have something on a list or in my planner, it's not happening.  Take for example, the doctor's appointment I told my surgeon on Tuesday that I would make.  Did I call her office right back?  Of course not.  Did I call them on Wednesday?  Don't be silly.  It took my co-worker asking me how everything was going for me to remember that I was supposed to put calling the doctor's office on my to do list on Tuesday, and again on Wednesday, for me to finally add it to the list and before the ink in my planner had dried, I was placing the phone call.

When I was younger, I used to get so excited when the school supplies list came out.  I would rush to the mailbox every afternoon beginning about a month before school started until I had the list in hand.  Visions of sugar plum fairies never danced in my head, I had dreams filled with Lisa Frank folders, pens of every color, and precisely sharpened pencils instead.

Then there were my packing lists.  The entire week before we would go on vacation, I would pack and re-pack my suitcase, carefully selecting my favorite outfits then stealing them out of the suitcase so I could wear them before we left.  Sometimes before I began this packing ritual, but usually after, I would sit down and write a detailed list of everything I needed then double-check what was in my suitcase against the list I had.  I was 8 and my mom would usually go through everything anyway but I wanted to be prepared.

As you can see, I've never met a list I didn't like.  Or at least I never thought I would, until I met The Guest List.  Those who have planned a wedding know what I'm talking about.  You hem and haw over a number, the type of wedding you want, the possible venues, the cost of it all, and you start making decisions.  We have a venue we like that works nicely with the "b" word (it's one of the worst words in the English language and although I occasionally use it, I try not to even think it too often) and affords us the atmosphere we want, a view of the water, and delicious food.  We have a number of invites we'd like to send out and my portion of the list has been neatly trimmed and I'm comfortable with it.  Then, there are the other portions of the list.  Portions of the list that might be longer than the allotted number of invites for that section, which include people that have similar relationships to those that have been cut from other portions of the list, which leads to other people wanting to add those people back onto their list.  And the snowball continues.  Suddenly I find myself preparing to calmly, rationally explain that the lists will be cut or we will be eloping and no one will be on anyone's list.  Finally my dreams of a Vegas wedding and all my closest friends receiving the "Vegas, black dress, 12 hours" phone call and rushing to catch a flight to meet us could come true!  If only Daisy wouldn't then hunt me down and make good on all her threats should I ever actually go through with it.

This is not the end of the world.  We are celebrating a happy occasion and no one needs to lose their mind over it.  In situations like these, I find it best to make a list,  and so for tonight's list of things to do, we're adding "cut The List."