I recently learned one of my friends has circled back to an ex. The guy is nice enough but their last break-up wasn't pretty and I'm fairly certain they broke up a time or two that I wasn't told about. Watching her get back with a guy I know is not good for her is difficult at best. It's not that he's a bad guy, it's just that he's not right for her and he has messed up. Big time messed up. I'm torn between telling her exactly what I think, keeping my mouth shut, and being supportive but playing devil's advocate to let her reach her own conclusion about what's best for her.
This is an interesting position for me to be in. Not so long ago, I was my friend. Getting back together with a guy I had broken up with, and who had broken up with me, numerous times. My friends didn't like him. My family didn't care for him. Eventually, I realized why, and broke it off for good (though not necessarily in that order). Six years later, I'm so glad I finally ended it and cut him out of my life completely. I can't regret the choices I made with regard to that relationship because those choices led me to where I am today and I'm happy with where I am and the person I have become. However, that doesn't mean I want my friend to go through what I went through to get where I am. I want her to be able to take a shortcut and avoid the bad things but still end up with the good. Now I know how my parents felt when I was dealing with a similar situation.
A little bit older, and so very much wiser, I find myself in the same position my parents were in. How do you make someone realize he or she is making a mistake? Of course, you can't. Absent circumstances where intervention is absolutely necessary, you have to take a step back and be there when the relationship ends so your friend has a shoulder to cry on.
It's funny how history repeats itself. I just hope it doesn't repeat itself with my children and they are smarter than their mother was.
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