This post involves less than pleasant things which might be described as icky, gross, disgusting, and the list goes on. Bodily "fluids" are involved but not the type that come from injuries or result from things you don't want to discuss with your parents. I recommend you not read it while, just before, or just after eating. You have been warned.
I woke up this morning and finally, around 5:30 or 6, took puppy outside. I promptly went back to bed until 6:30, took a shower, and began putting on my make-up. I was on my way back to my bathroom to put my make-up away, surprise, there was a wet spot on my carpet. Quick check around the area was enough to determine it was not from my wet feet after the shower. It was a pronounced spot which could come from only one thing - Isabella's bladder. My fault for not taking her out before 5 a.m. I know, I know, taking her water away at least an hour before I last take her out and then go to bed just isn't good enough. Silly me for thinking she might hold it until 6. No worries, Isabella wasn't yelled at or chastised other than me saying "Isabella" much the way your mother would say your name when you were getting sassy or telling a lie and there's no anger, it's just a warning you might want to watch it because it took her longer than normal to say your name. Instead, I blotted it up, poured Nature's Miracle on it, and was glad it was on a section of the carpet I had not yet spot treated. Yes, that's right, I'm in the process of spot treating my carpet. Isabella's had accidents, things have been spilled, the previous tenants used a stain remover that ruined any stain resistance the carpet had, and sometimes it requires me to get down on my hands and knees, douse an area in stain remover, let it sit, and blot before I add another layer of stain remover that will be allowed to dry completely. Luckily, when I got home after work, there was no evidence anything had happened aside from the slightly damp carpet. Begin congratulations - self, you did such a great job properly treating that stain this morning, you should be quite proud of yourself and your excellent stain removal skills.
And then, I saw the chaise.
What is. . .? Did she? No, she couldn't have? Is that vomit? Oh please tell me that's vomit and not . . . Surely it's not. What can you possibly do about a stain on suede furniture. It's not like the cushion cover can come off and go in the wash. So, I did the only thing I could think of. I grabbed a big wad of paper towels and started scraping/soaking up the mess. Quick adjustment - get the whole roll of paper towels. Back to the chaise to atta... NO! Not the carpet too! And then the instructions to myself inside my head began - Gather yourself. Seriously, pull yourself together, you can handle this. You are not a "Real" Housewife of XYZ, you are a real-life, soon-to-be, actual housewife. Time for a plan of action. First attack the carpet, it's much smaller. Scrape/soak, douse with stain treatment, and focus on the chaise. Lots of scraping/soaking up the mess on the chaise, and back to the carpet. Soak up stain treatment stuff, get as much solid material up as possible, and completely soak carpet with medicinal smelling stain fighting awesomeness. And back to the chaise. Cover spot in stain fighter. More paper towels. You might as well accept you could very well use a whole roll on just this incident. Blot, soak, scrape, spray. Repeat. Check the carpet.
I was feeling quite pleased with myself. The carpet stain appears to have disappeared. I can't see anything solid on the chaise and the spot has been sufficiently drenched with my handy dandy spray bottle of goodness. So, I covered the spots with layers and layers of paper towels so I would not walk on the grossness. Granted, the paper towels covering the spot on the chaise may have started turning green, which happens to be the color of the chaise (meaning my stain remover may also be removing the dyes on my most comfortable piece of furniture), but what does that matter when I am a bona fide stain expert? Ryan will be happy to know I can handle any stain emergency that comes our way.
So, what have we learned from this experience?
1) Buy more stain remover. Lots more stain remover.
2) Suede may not be the best choice for furniture.
3) May want to find a stain remover that won't remove the dyes from my furniture.
4) Perhaps it really is time to teach Isabella to stay off the furniture.
5) If you come over to my house and see paper towels all over the place - avoid them - it's not me being messy.
But, here's the good news. Bet you didn't think there was a good news, did you? The good news is Isabella looks like she's doing just fine and I don't think she's sick and I was planning on replacing the chaise anyway. More good news - I have found my procrastination for the evening and instead of studying for my take home exam that was recently posted, I get to internet window shop for the new furniture Ryan and I are going to get for our new place. All in all, not bad for a Monday.
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